


my contact high

by calcelmo



Category: Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Selfcest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:28:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22884043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calcelmo/pseuds/calcelmo
Summary: What's better than one lean, mean, zombie-killing machine?Two.Through the scientific genius of time-travel, Vendetta Leon gets sent back in time to that fateful day in Raccoon City. Of course, he's not alone. He runs into the 21-year-old rookie cop version of himself, and desperately tries to get them both out safelywithoutgiving himself away, or breaking one of the Sacred Laws of Time Travel.But it doesn't go exactly to plan- because no one knows you better than yourself.
Relationships: Leon S. Kennedy/Ada Wong, Leon S. Kennedy/Leon S. Kennedy
Comments: 18
Kudos: 92





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> Why was this written?  
> Because firstly and indisputably, Leon is hot. And secondly, I don't do things by halves: if I was ever going to explore the selfcest dynamic, it was going to be _thorough_ and _meaningful_.  
> As in canon, Mr. X is NOT gon give it to ya in safe rooms...
> 
> [title from your love by glass animals]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Get in the time machine, Leon!_ they said. _It'll be fine!_ they said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so fun to write. Don't think too deeply about the plot, folks, just... just let that sweet selfcest lure you in.

Life is an endless cycle of weird science experiments gone wrong, and Leon is God's faithful little pawn in cleaning them up. _Get in the time machine, Leon!_ they said. _It'll be fine!_ they said.

Well, he wasn't missing any limbs, or memories, or other vital aspects of his being. When he stepped out of the futuristic mechanical contraption, he was breathing in the unmistakable city air, petrol fumes and all, so he hadn't gone _too_ far back. That was good, because he was trained to deal with infected humans, not dinosaurs, or some equally terrifying prehistoric monster. It was dark and raining, and he'd landed in an alley next to a fire escape. 

He turned back to the control panel of the machine and decided it was irredeemably fucked. Sparks were flying out of it. He tried his comm, which was supposed to be able to pick up frequencies across time zones. It was dead. Much like he was, if he couldn't figure out how to get himself back to 2016.

He sighed inwardly, and couldn't help the reflexive, bitter smile that flitted across his face. _Can I ever catch a break?_

He wasn't one to sit around moping, wasting away while he could be exploring his surroundings. He secured the comm to his wrist, regretting the fact that he'd only brought a handgun. 

Climbing the fire escape, he found himself on the roof of a reasonably tall building. Tall enough to give him a decent view of the city. What he saw made his heart sink to depths he never thought he'd know again. There were no cars running, no people on the sidewalks. No lights on in windows. Flames licked across the surface of store fronts, and the husks of unoccupied cars burned in the streets. It was silent, devoid of commonplace city bustle, save for faint burglar alarms going off. 

The topography of this place was seared into Leon's memory. Somehow, almost twenty years on from one of the worst experiences of his life, he was back in Raccoon City. And by the looks of it, he hadn't landed pre-T Virus incident, or even post-destruction. No; this was 1998. He was sure of it, because the universe had always liked to toy with him.

Leon swore. He cursed God, he cursed Chambers for convincing him to try out her shitty time machine, and he cursed himself for being stupid enough to agree. In the middle of his venting session, the comm crackled to life. 

"Leon?!"

Rebecca's worried voice had gone up an octave in fear. It almost made him laugh.

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Shit. Shit, I am so sorry. The RCMM malfunctioned somehow, and I assume it made your machine go wrong too."

"Yep," Leon drawled.

"I promise, we'll get you back, Leon. It's just a matter of fixing the motherboard here, and then we can remotely repair the control panel on your end. I swear it'll be all right, although I can't say how long it will take. A few hours minimum, a couple of days maximum... I really am sorry. Do you know where you ended up?"

Leon swallowed. "Raccoon City," he replied, his voice sounding hoarse.

There was a pause on the line. Leon could feel shock and sympathy radiating out of the communications device.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am," Rebecca said. "You just stay put, stay safe, and we'll fix this mess. I owe you a million drinks."

A million drinks was what he was gonna need to forget about this fucking disaster. 

"Alright," he reassured her. "It's alright; I'm fine. Just please get me home."

"You got it, Leon."

The line went dead and he was alone again. At a loss for what to do, he stared out at the city skyline, taking a moment's peace before he plunged back into a horror he'd only revisited in his nightmares. A thought suddenly crossed his mind. What if he _wasn't_ alone? 

It was entirely possible that he'd influenced the time machine to bring him here. There wasn't a huge window in which zombies were running around Raccoon City, not even a month until the military destroyed it. What were the chances that there were _two_ Leon Kennedys there right now?

Feeling a strange sense of excitement, he climbed back down the fire escape. He made a note of the defunct time machine's location, and left the alley. The streets were as dead as he'd expected. He grabbed a newspaper from a stand to check the date, then realized that was a stupid idea, because no one was alive to keep printing the news. As he walked, gun in hand, he thought up other ways to check today's date. Maybe there was an obvious solution staring him in the face, but the only thing he could come up with was to find another living being to ask. 

His legs were carrying him to the police station as though by instinct. He'd never got to settle in at his desk on his first day as a fresh-faced rookie, meet all his new colleagues. They were dead before he'd even got there. A couple decades on, he tried not to think about it, because the trauma was just as raw. 

Silently, with hands that were worryingly unsteady, he pushed open the door to the police station. 

The lights were on, but it didn't seem like anyone was home. His heart was hammering in his chest. Even though he kind of knew what to expect, knew the terrain, he felt just as terrified as the first time, if not more being uncomfortably aware of all the terrors it had in store. 

The door closed quietly behind him, but the sound still made him startle. Get it together, Leon, he thought frustratedly.   
The first thing he noticed was the bullet-ridden corpses scattered around the room. It filled him with relief to know that at least someone was here, doing a pretty decent job of dispatching the zombies. He crept up the stairs of the main hall, and decided to take a right to explore the west side of the building. 

The library was deserted, but he managed to salvage a first aid spray, and was pleasantly surprised to find an intact can of Coke, which he slid into his hip pouch to save for later. The innocuous little can was like a sign from the universe willing him to keep going. Moving into the lounge, he was relieved to find that nothing was lurking back there either. Although, at this point, he was so on edge, he almost wished something would jump out at him so he could channel his nervous energy into a neat headshot right between the eyes. 

Right about then, it all started to go wrong. Leon opened the door to the western hallway, got around halfway across it, before he heard something shift behind him. His gun was trained on the threat before he could even register what it was, and the shot rang out in the silence. 

It was a licker. He'd made the headshot all right, but he'd also alerted the entire fucking building of his presence. 

_Great job!_ he thought savagely. _Did you learn nothing from your first playthrough?_

He stood there for a moment, ears straining to pick up any noise. For a few seconds, it was eerily quiet. Then, the door to the hallway opened.

He couldn't see much in the darkness. What he thought he was seeing made his stomach drop like he was on a damn rollercoaster.   
The person at the door shone his torchlight in Leon's face, making him shield his eyes.

"You're alive," he breathed.

Leon looked up, vision still adjusting. It was enough to identify the face he would recognize anywhere. Words completely eluded him and he was probably gaping like an ungainly fish. 

"Are you all right?" asked his younger self, lowering his weapon. Leon didn't- he didn't remember sounding so soft. 

He found his voice again. "I'm okay," he said. He frowned, and said it again more convincingly. 

Other Leon was on the verge of offering him a smile, when all trace of tentative friendliness was wiped from his face, replaced by fear. 

"Get down!" he shouted. 

Leon reacted just in time to avoid a fist twice the side of his head smashing into his face. Like a fucking idiot, he turned in morbid, curious horror to see what had attacked him. To make sure this was really happening again. The Tyrant stared him down, eyes mercilessly cold as he remembered.

"Don't just stand there checking him out!" his double screamed, yanking him away by the shoulder and dragging him through the doors to the main hall staircase. Leon eventually regained control of his body and stopped being a dead weight. Muscle memory propelled him through the building's east side, hot on his companion's tail. He didn't think they had a particular destination in mind, but when he was forcefully pulled into the chief's office, his younger self slammed him against the wall and pressed a hand over his mouth, forcing him to be silent. 

They stood stock still. 

All they could hear was the Tyrant's footsteps, getting louder and louder as it searched them out. Leon's whole body was shaking, and he felt the tremor in his younger self's hand as it was pressed against his mouth. He wrapped his fingers around Other Leon's wrist, gently tugging his hand away. 

"Hey," he whispered.

"Shut up," the kid hissed, screwing his eyes shut. He was trying and failing not to hyperventilate. Among the familiar fear of the Tyrant and the awe he felt at coming face to face with his own reflection, he felt a surge of pity. He was just a kid. Leon knew exactly how hopeless and lost and scared he felt; as powerless as a child.

He didn't let go of the rookie's wrist. Maybe it was weird. Maybe he should be maintaining boundaries. It felt natural to maintain that physical contact, as a source of reassurance. He knew himself, he knew how much it would ground him. The kid just let out a shaky sigh, rested more of his weight against Leon and kept his eyes firmly closed until the danger passed.

Leon took the opportunity to really, really look. It was nothing like looking into a mirror. The Leon before him was assuredly _him,_ but so solid and real against him that surely they _couldn't_ be the same person. He wanted to make sure. How could he? He'd seen Back to the Future, he knew what happened when you fucked around with your own timeline. If he did or said something out of line, that could affect his whole future. 

After some nail-bitingly tense minutes, the Tyrant's thundering footsteps receded into the distance.

Kid Leon raised his head and opened his eyes. He didn't make any move to tug his wrist back. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Same as you," Leon answered flippantly. It was a surreal experience, talking to himself like- and it was even weirder because his mirror image didn't know who he was, didn't know he had his older, world-weary self pinned to a wall-

"It's your first day as a cop?" young Leon asked, kind of reproachfully.

 _I only had one day as a cop,_ Leon thought. _I only had today. I was so excited, hyped out of my mind to be the hero. If only I'd listened-_

"I'm not a cop," Leon said instead. His younger self put a little distance between them, which he regretted. "I wasn't meant to end up here, but I can help you."

"Help me how? Have you seen what we're up against?" his double asked him despairingly. 

"It's okay," Leon soothed him automatically. He realized he had to sort out his feelings because they were all over the place. Half of him was shit-scared of messing up and wanted to put space between them. The other half was a roiling concoction of protective instinct, pity, and-

Wow. A new low. Levels of narcissism which shouldn't even be possible. He shook away that train of thought; it was dangerous, and really, really weird. 

"I'm tired," his younger self admitted. 

"You can rest," Leon told him. He fought the urge to touch. 

"I can't," he replied. "What if that- that thing comes back? What if you pull a gun on me and-"

Leon scoffed. 

"What?" the rookie snapped. "You're just sightseeing in the zombie-infested hellhole? You're not a cop, but you're clearly not a civilian. Why are you here? What do you want?"

Leon felt laughter bubble up inside him at the attempted display of toughness, but he also wanted the kid to trust him. He wanted this bittersweet connection between someone the world had broken, and someone the world was trying very hard to break. 

"I told you," he said earnestly. "It was an accident, that I ended up here. Imagine a plane crash, but uh... without the plane."

His younger self's face twisted in sceptical doubt. "I don't trust you."

Leon sighed. He felt pretty tired too, the adrenaline coursed its way out of his system leaving him drained. "Maybe this will help."

He pulled the can of Coke out of his hip pouch and offered it out. His double stared at it, then up at him, then back at the soda. Leon cracked it open and took a sip to prove it wasn't poisoned or something, and held it out again. After a second, the kid took it. He practically groaned in pleasure as he drank; as if a few hours in ground zero had reduced him to an unholy thirst. 

"Slow down," Leon muttered, lip curling in a smile that could only be described as fond. 

The rookie flushed and brought the can down for a second, licking his lips. Leon didn't look. He didn't.

"Um, thanks," he said. 

"I hope it isn't that easy to gain your trust," Leon smiled. 

"It isn't!" the kid said indignantly. "I had training scheduled for what to do when criminals try to bribe you and manipulate you." He paused and added quietly, "I- I don't know where I'll go after this."

"You'll be fine," Leon assured him. 

"You don't know that."

"Yeah, I do, actually," he answered impatiently, retrospectively realizing the hole he'd just dug himself into, but taking reckless joy in rolling with it. "You're gonna be fine. I swear."

The kid swallowed, and took another sip of Coke. "I'm Leon."

_I know._

He now had a dilemma. To anyone else, it would be a very easy decision determined by logic and self-preservation. Lie about his name. But Leon saw this as an opportunity. How many people on Earth could say they'd met a version of themselves? Not only met, but had the chance to form a bond with? He wasn't going to throw that away. Not to mention, he was desperately lonely. He needed this.

Apparently he'd deliberated for too long, because his younger self said, "I know this is weird. But I feel like I know you."

Leon froze. He was so busy regulating his own reaction to this, that he hadn't factored in how Other Leon might pick up on it. 

"Know me?" he asked warily.

The rookie shrugged, kind of bashfully, which had no right to be so... endearing, and said, "I don't really know. You... never mind." He shifted around on the floor of the office. "I really just want to sleep right now, although I don't think I'll be able to."

Leon understood completely. He was tired to his very bones, but his current state of hyper-vigilance wouldn't allow for rest. 

"You can try. I'll stay awake, keep a lookout."

"Yeah?" the kid asked gratefully, stifling a yawn. "Thanks, man, I just... fuck, I need to clear my head."

Leon jammed the door with a piece of wood. It wasn't much, just an extra layer of security. He knew how this place worked- if they kept quiet, they should remain undetected. He shrugged off his jacket for the kid to use as a blanket, who'd gone and grabbed a cushion from the office chair, lay down on it and pulled Leon's jacket over himself, before settling down.

Leon watched the clock, messing around with the comm. The minutes ticked by; he could tell his companion wasn't sleeping. His breathing evened out for ten minutes or so, but then he was startling awake, breathing harsh as he looked wildly around the room, one hand reaching for his firearm. 

His gaze landed on Leon, a solitary presence in the corner, and he seemed to calm down a little. He cursed under his breath, which brought another smile to Leon's face as he remembered having done the same earlier.

He had a really, really dumb idea. The longer he watched himself suffer, the less able he was to resist.

"Do you want me to hold you?" he asked softly.

The rookie's eyes snapped up to his, questioning, but thankfully not accusing. 

"Help you sleep," Leon clarified. He knew he was playing a dangerous game, but it only stemmed from this crazy, intense yearning he was being subjected to. 

"Sure," his double whispered, motionless in the dark. 

Leon picked his way over to that spot on the floor. He pulled back his jacket and positioned himself behind his younger self, wrapping an arm around his waist, and resting the jacket back over them. 

"Okay?" he murmured into the crook of the rookie's neck. 

He was tense. Ah. Leon remembered at this age he was still trying to pretend he was straight as an arrow. 

"Relax," he whispered. "You can trust me."

Surprisingly, the kid turned around in his arms so they were facing each other. So close, he could feel his breath warming his face; taste the cola on his mouth. He didn't move. Not even when the rookie boldly leaned forward and brushed their lips together.

His double opened his eyes, and he got lost in them. It was a hurricane of emotion that flooded him, but the craving for intimacy was strongest. He didn't pull away when the rookie kissed him again. He let himself be pushed onto his back, and let his 21-year-old self roll on top of him, cradle his face and slip his tongue into Leon's mouth. 

"Fuck," he gasped. "Fuck, no, I can't."

The kid wisely broke it off, leaning up to study him, although he kept his distracting weight where it was. "What's wrong?"

"This," Leon emphasised, vaguely gesturing between them, knowing it was futile and only going to create more questions.

"'Cause we're guys," his double sighed in resignation.

"Uh, _no_ ," Leon shook his head at the absurd suggestion of _him_ being homophobic, grabbing the kid by the hips so he couldn't slip away. "God, no, that's not- I'm not-"

"So what is it?" 

Somehow, the kid managed to look both innocent and suggestive. He rolled his hips. Leon made a choked off noise of surprise and arousal.

"It's _me,"_ he grit out. "I can't do this with you."

"It's okay if you don't wanna have sex," the rookie said carefully. Now that was kind of freaky, because he sounded way closer in age to Leon. "It's okay. But please tell me what you're talking about. I can't cope with being so in the dark."

Leon stared up at him, brain simultaneously working at 100mph and the pace of a snail. 

"Tell me your name," the kid whispered suddenly.

Leon looked pained. He was about to knock down the first domino, and set in motion a chain of events which could ruin his life and future.

"Just tell me," his double begged.

Leon shut his eyes in weary resignation.

"Before you ask," he said, "No, it's not a fucking joke." He took the plunge. "My name is Leon."

His younger self's eyes widened.

_Aw, shit._

Claire was right, he really _had_ been unbearably cute. Looking into a mirror for all those years didn't measure up to seeing it in the real. He just had this puppyish energy about him, eager to please, soft and sweet with no hard edges.

Maybe it was weird to check himself out. Okay, it was definitely weird, but it wasn't vanity so much as...

"What are you saying?"

The demand interrupted his train of thought and he refrained from sighing as he patiently answered, "I'm saying we have the same name. Big deal, it's pretty common, don't w-"

"What's your last name?"

Leon's mouth snapped shut. He shouldn't be surprised. Kid Leon didn't have any insane powers of perception; it was just that nagging feeling that he'd mentioned. That they knew each other, or should know each other.

"We have hoardes of undead to focus on, kid," he said gently. He used the pet name not as an insult, but because he remembered how much it made his stomach go all weird and fuzzy when Chris used to say it.

"I already know what you're going to say," the rookie said breathlessly. "It's Kennedy, isn't it. Oh my God. You're... you're me."


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He understood the universe liked to test him now and again, but having to resist his openly affectionate 21-year-old self as a touch-starved loner seemed particularly cruel._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me all day to write, and now it's 12AM. I've never enjoyed writing a fic so much.

Leon didn't try to deny it. 

_"How?"_

"Time machine gone wrong," he croaked. 

"You're kidding me."

"You know I'm not," he murmured. He felt slightly hysterical, and couldn't help the grin spreading across his face. 

"This is crazy," the kid told him. "I- you're _me?_ You're... how old are you?"

Leon made a face. "Older than you."

"No shit. Fine, what year did you come from?"

"2016."

"Shit. Wow. This is insane," he shook his head in disbelief, before mirroring Leon's grin. "Oh, man. I'm so glad I aged well."

Leon flushed, trying and failing not to laugh self-consciously. His younger self was looking at him with no trace of his previous fear, eyes shining with curiosity. He became acutely aware of their incriminating position, with his hands on his double's hips, the kid's arms bracketing him in. He tried to pretend his dick wasn't attached to his body, because if he paid it too much attention, he'd start reacting to the pressure the kid was inadvertently putting on it where they were tangled up together.

"So you see," he cleared his throat, "why we couldn't do that." 

The rookie exhaled, dropping his head into the crook of Leon's neck, laying his full weight down like Leon was his own personal mattress. Not that he could bring himself to mind. Raw need shot through him, and he circled his arms around the kid's waist, pulling him close as possible. 

"I'm getting some mixed messages here," the kid whispered.

"I'm sorry," Leon murmured into his hair. "I'm-" depressed and lonely and painfully horny and-

His younger self shushed him, which was... uncomfortably hot. 

"I get it," he said. "Let's just try and sleep."

Leon remembered then that the crippling loneliness that plagued him had done so for most of his life. He wasn't special, and the Leon he was holding right now might be more naive, but he understood what it was like to take solace in whoever opened their arms to you. 

He settled down, resting his head on the cushion, letting Other Leon shift close and make himself comfortable. It was a long time before sleep took him, although he felt safer here than he had felt for many years alone in his own bed. 

When he finally woke up, he forgot where he was for an unnerving few seconds. There weren't any windows, so there was no way of telling the time, too dark to see the clock on the wall. He tried to move without waking Other Leon, but the moment he shifted his legs, the kid shook himself awake. 

"Wh- is everything okay?" he mumbled, sleepy but on his way to alertness. 

"Yeah, sweetheart, go back to sleep if you want," Leon whispered hoarsely. 

The rookie raised his head, looking at him with half-lidded eyes. "Sweetheart, huh?" 

Leon said nothing; glad the dark would hide his reddening face. There was something about his double that made him want to hold him, keep him safe and happy and loved. His younger self rolled to his side but insisted that Leon's hands stay where they were.

Leon's comm went off, scaring the shit out of the rookie. 

"Sorry, let me-" he answered the call with baited breath, eager for some news on the machine. "Hey, Rebecca."

"Hey Leon. How are you holding up?"

"Uh," he spared a quick glance at Other Leon, who grinned. "I'm okay. Any news?"

"We need to order in an extra part for our control room. It should be here by tomorrow; then it's just a matter of remotely fixing your machine from there. Sorry it's taking so long, we're going as fast as we can."

"I know, you're doing your best," Leon said.

"Listen- you need to be really careful as well. If you run into your younger self, you can't let him find out who you are. That could alter things in your timeline."

Leon balked. His younger self wasn't capable of disguising his amusement. 

"Leon?"

"Uh..."

"Don't tell me you've already met," Rebecca groaned. 

_And then some,_ his double mouthed. Did he just wink? 

"Yeah. We have. But I'll be careful."

"All right," she said doubtfully. "I have to go. Stay safe, and I'll contact you again when I can."

The comm went dark again. 

"Is that your girlfriend?" the kid asked him coyly. 

"No."

"Do you _have_ a girlfriend? A wife? Kids?"

Along with his curiosity, he sounded hopeful. It sent a pang of guilt lancing through Leon's body. Maybe he could lie, and say he was happily married ~~to a gorgeous Asian-American assassin~~ with twins running around his eight-bedroom mansion. But he knew deep down that his double would see right through it. 

"I don't think I should tell you things about your future, in case it ends up influencing it," Leon said carefully.

His younger self nodded slowly in understanding. "All right, then; that's fair. But tell me one thing," he said. 

Whatever he asked, Leon was hopeless to resist. 

"Are you happy?"

The question hit him like a ton of bricks. He must have been in a mood far less stable than he'd thought, because he actually felt tears pricking at his eyes. There was some gut-wrenching irony in his younger self asking if he'd found happiness 20 years on. It was even more painful watching the kid react to the 'no' written so plainly on his face. 

He felt embarrassed, and even more, he felt guilty. This Leon was young, excited for his future, hoping to get a decent job and settle down with a family. Leon had arrived in his world and made it clear that he was never going to have that kind of happy ending. It must have been awful.

"I'm sorry," is all he could manage. 

"Hey, hey," the kid frowned, reaching out for him and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Don't be sorry, Leon."

Hearing his own name coming from _himself_ was a strange experience. 

"Tell me what's wrong," his double urged. _Tell me why I can't be happy. Tell me why I end up like you._

Leon sat back with a sigh, folding his arms around himself. "You shouldn't be worrying about me. You need to think up a way out of here."

" _I_ need to? You aren't gonna help me?"

"I can't be fucking around with my past like this, kid," he snapped, feeling irritation burning him up inside.

"Use my name," the rookie demanded. "Our name."

Leon held his gaze for a tense moment, the internal struggle tearing him apart. He was watching the same fire reflected in his younger self's eyes, reminding him that they were the same person, just at different milestones in life. His resolve began to crumble.

"Leon," he said, a little reluctant.

His double nodded fervently, imploring him not to forget who he was, who they were to each other. "Please. I can't do this alone."

"Yes, you can!" Leon burst out bitterly. "I did it alone. I didn't have my damn imaginary friend on hand for a chat and a cuddle."

He regretted saying it almost as soon as the words had left his lips, but he found that once the floodgates had opened, he couldn't stop. 

"I wanted to die," he carried on in anger. "Every fucking minute I thought about killing myself. Why waste time trying to kill things that were only going to get back up again? There were so many of them, and only one of me. I couldn't- I couldn't see a way out, but somehow, I kept going."

"I hope that was cathartic for you," his younger self answered, barely contained fury dripping from his words, "But you do realize what you're saying, right?"

Leon stared at him blankly.

"If that's how you felt when you were here, _that's how I feel right now,"_ the kid said, raising his voice as much as he'd dare with the zombies outside. "You know why I'm keeping my last round? So I can use it-" 

He had to fight to get the words out. "On myself."

"Don't say that," Leon said automatically, flinching at the harsh words. 

"What? It's true. You know it's true because you went through it yourself."

Leon swallowed, his throat dry.

"I want to know what happens to me," the rookie told him quietly.

"I don't know what you want me to say," Leon closed his eyes, because he couldn't bear looking at him while he admitted what a fucking loser he'd become. "No, I'm not happy. You'll put yourself through all this bullshit, only to find yourself knee deep in worse. You don't get married. You spend years chasing someone who tosses you aside like a toy, but you don't trust yourself to be good enough for anyone better. You don't have kids," he took a deep breath, "and you don't want them, because a traumatized alcoholic does not a good father make. Every night you get home, and drink enough to make you pass out into a dreamless sleep. If you don't, the nightmares will wake you up screaming."

He opened his eyes to see Other Leon staring at him, eyes wide with horror.

Seeing that made him feel like shit, but he couldn't take back what he'd said. They were frozen in place until they heard unmistakable sets of dragging footsteps outside the door. Both their gazes flickered up to the makeshift barricade. 

Leon drew his gun, expecting his double to do the same, but he stayed as he was, knees tucked up to his chest, head lowered with his bangs obscuring his eyes.

"Come on," Leon begged, suddenly aware that he'd really messed up. 

The rookie looked up and challenged him, "Is it really worth fighting?" 

"Yes," Leon said firmly. Saying it was enough to make him believe it. He'd found the answer to his question. "It's always worth fighting."

His younger self exhaled. He pulled a combat knife from his belt and held it out to Leon; it was a spare and could be useful when they had to avoid making noise. He stood and levelled his gun at the door.

"On three," he said.

"One... 

Two...

... Three!" 

Leon knocked away the piece of wood holding it in place, and pulled the door open. As the zombies filtered in, the rookie quickly dispatched them with some expertly aimed headshots. They crumpled to the floor, all six of them. Leon checked to see if there were any more in the corridor, but it looked clear for now. 

"Let's go," he muttered, knowing they'd have to keep moving to outfox the zombies picking up on their hiding spots. They picked their way through the corpses and got out of there.

"Can you tell me anything about the thing that I saved you from?"

Leon shuddered at the memory as they made their way down the east stairwell. "It's a bio-organic weapon infected with a strain of virus designed to make it have superhuman strength. We gave it a bunch of different nicknames, usually involving a bunch of curse words, but the general consensus is 'Mr. X'."

"'We'?" Other Leon asked perceptively.

"Me and Claire. You've met Claire, right?"

"Yeah!" the kid nodded, looking relieved that his new acquaintance might have permanence in his life. "Is she... does she make it out of here okay?"

Leon saw no harm in giving him some good news to make up for his previous negative rant. "She does." He smiled to himself. "She's, um, my best friend, actually."

"Aw," the kid gave him a bright smile. "I'm glad you have someone looking after you."

Leon didn't quite know how to respond to that level of honest affection, so he didn't. 

"We need to find somewhere safe to lie low until the time machine gets repaired." Leon decided. "I mean- you don't have to stay with me. You can focus on getting out of here, if that's what you'd rather do," he added hastily. 

"I want to spend as much time with you as I can," his younger self answered in shameless earnest. 

Okay. He understood the universe liked to test him now and again, but having to resist his openly affectionate 21-year-old self as a touch-starved loner seemed particularly cruel.

"Right," he said under his breath. 

"I'll stay with you until you have to go. I have to find a key card to get out of here, this woman told me-"

"Ada?" Leon butted in, well aware that his expression had morphed into lovesick idiot mode. 

The kid laughed. "Yep, that was her name. I'm guessing she makes an impression on me, then."

"You have no idea," Leon sighed. He straightened up. "Did you have somewhere in mind?"

"The watchman's room has a lock on it, and it's right next to the fire escape if we need to get out quickly," the rookie suggested.

"All right. Show me the way. It's been 20 years, and I tried to block this shit out of my memory," he said darkly. 

They ended up having to double back on themselves to get where they wanted to go. They tried to be as quiet as possible; coming within inches of a motionless licker splayed out on the wall. When they got back to the main hall, they were dismayed to see a group of undead on either staircase, coming to box them in. A few more crowded the lower level. 

"I'll take the left, you take the right," Leon said. 

Shots rang out as they tried to minimise wasting ammo, ideally taking out each zombie with a single round. Although he was concentrating hard on eliminating the fuckers before they could swarm him, unfiltered joy rose up inside him as he realized he was mirroring his younger self completely; from the way they stood, to the moment they pulled the trigger. He'd never forget how it felt to work in such perfect tandem.

One of his shots managed to tear through a zombie's skull and hit another square in the face, taking them both down in one go. Other Leon cheered him on- it was silly and probably jinxing their decent luck so far, but it made him smile. With the undead on the stairs taken care of, they proceeded down a level and started on the next hoard. 

Leon was dimly aware of a thudding sound coming from behind him. He only clocked what it was when the door from the west office crashed open, revealing the Tyrant, who'd heard the gunfire and come running. Or, power walking with murderous intent. 

"Leon!" he yelled in warning.

The rookie didn't need to be told twice and took off, with the Tyrant in hot pursuit. 

"Split up and I'll find you in the watchman's room," he panted as he passed Leon, who started in the opposite direction. As they burst through different doors, they couldn't tell which of them Mr. X had decided to go after. His footsteps echoed seemingly everywhere, and Leon kept running, round in exhausting laps of the building until he was sure he'd lost the B.O.W. and eventually found a way back to the east side. 

There was no sign of Mr. X, and there weren't any sounds permeating the air. He caught his breath and pushed open the door to the watchman's room, finding it empty. His heart sank. His double might still be in danger, and he deliberated over going after him. The problem was, his young self could arrive at the watchman's room to find Leon wasn't there, and have the same idea. Then it would turn into an unnecessary game of cat and mouse, just because they both loved to play the hero.

No, Leon would have to wait here in the dark, praying the kid was safe. It occurred to him then that if something happened to a version of himself, it was likely to affect him. He might be wiped completely from existence. 

The minutes ticked by and he got more and more restless. 

He imagined the kid scared and alone, zombies closing in, teeth gnashing to tear him to pieces. Or Mr. X grabbing him by the throat, lifting him up and crushing his delicate bones in his monstrous hand. He thought of how hopeless the kid would feel; after everything Leon had said to him in anger. 

_Please let him be okay,_ he begged any higher power willing to listen.

It felt like an age, but it was actually half an hour before the door creaked open. Leon aimed his gun at whoever came knocking. His entire body shuddered in relief as he saw his double come into view. 

"You're here," his younger self breathed. He made the wise decision to close and lock the door behind him. Leon holstered his gun and wasn't prepared for the kid to throw his arms around him, hugging him so hard the breath was squeezed out of his body. 

"I was so worried about you," they said at the exact same time. Leon exhaled in silent laughter. His double looked at him with this frighteningly intense determination, took Leon by his face, and kissed him. 

It pained Leon to pull back, but his mind was racing with confusion. "Whoah. I thought you-" _understood how truly wrong it is to literally want to fuck yourself-_

"You're making this way more difficult than it has to be," the rookie groaned impatiently. "Please. I can't think straight around you."

Leon licked his dry lips, and didn't miss the way his double's eyes tracked the movement. "I..."

He was holding back on the grounds that this wasn't socially or morally acceptable; not because he didn't want to. His skin crawled with the need to get closer, to take and give everything he could. There was probably some deeply rooted psychological trauma that made him crave a version of himself more than he'd ever wanted _anyone,_ but he wasn't in the mood to start psycho-analyzing himself, not when the kid's hands had slid up to card through his hair and he was melting into the ground.

"Just remember, if I go to Hell for this, you will too," he whispered.

He could his younger self smiling as he leaned in to kiss him properly.


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _When he'd dragged himself out of bed that morning at Chambers' behest, because she needed guinea pigs for her prototype government-classified machine, he definitely didn't anticipate how that day would be ending._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so... it's finished! I loved writing this fic, it was so self indulgent and yet I'm very grateful for the kind comments I've received. Thank you all for reading!

When he'd dragged himself out of bed that morning at Chambers' behest, because she needed guinea pigs for her prototype government-classified machine, he definitely didn't anticipate how that day would be ending. 

It had been a good few months since he'd had sex- solely leaving the house for more booze tended to do that to your sex life. And way longer since he'd kissed anyone. He vaguely recollected throwing his arms round Chris at some social gathering and being gently detached, but that was definitely the most recent.

He hadn't realized how good that kind of intimacy could feel. But then, his past self was cycling him through his entire emotional range; maybe it was just kissing _him_ that made his knees go pathetically weak. 

As long as he didn't think too hard about hand was cupping his crotch, he thought he might manage not to come in his pants like a teenager. That made him consider the fact that his current sexual partner was barely more than just that- a teenager- and once again steered himself away from evaluating the ethics surrounding sex with your past self, who also happens to be 20 years your junior.

"I don't wanna make a mess," he chided, discouraging the kid from grinding up against him like some kind of animal in rut. Other Leon didn't want to be running around with come drying on his uniform, and Leon definitely didn't want to have to explain what he'd been doing (or who) during his time travel excursion.

The rookie tried to catch his breath, leaning back against the wall. His hair was dishevelled, his lips kiss-swollen. He looked fucking beautiful. Leon didn't remember ever acknowledging that in front of a mirror, and he absently wondered if it was arrogance to think your younger self attractive. Not really. He didn't choose his genes; he'd just gotten lucky. _Thanks Mom,_ he thought, letting his eyes unapologetically appreciate his double's body. _Thanks Dad._

"Then what should we do?" the kid muttered, interrupting his train of thought. "'Cause if it isn't the zombies, it's the blue balls that are gonna get me."

Leon laughed. "Can't have that." He cleared his throat and decided to bite the bullet. "Can I suck you off?"

His double let out an undignified sound of surprise, followed by a choked-off, "Is that a real question?!"

Leon smiled, tongue between his teeth. "Get your dick out, then," he said dryly.

The kid hurried to undo his belt with slightly unsteady fingers, shoving his pants down and only slowing down when he got to his boxers. He looked up, hesitating slightly, and Leon nodded minutely in encouragement.

"Nothing I haven't seen before," he quipped as he knelt.

Other Leon was gratifyingly hard, and Leon didn't waste time in taking him into his mouth, splaying his hands on his double's thighs. _Your future self has a very particular skill set, Leon_ _,_ he thought. _Killing zombies and sucking dick._

The rookie made a strangled kind of whimper. Half of him was ashamed that he'd ever been capable of reaching that kind of pitch; half of him was extremely pleased at eliciting that kind of reaction. 

He pulled back and in a fit of romantic impulse pressed a kiss to the head of his dick. "You gotta be quiet, darling," he said, voice rough.

Whatever the kid gasped out in response wasn't recognizable by the English language, so Leon got back to work. One of the rookie's hands was bracing himself against the wall, the other found its way into gripping the hair at the back of Leon's head. This was bliss. He relaxed his throat and let his double fuck his throat, endearingly gentle, but helpless to pick up the pace as he got closer to the edge. 

The grasp on his hair tightened, and the kid's thrusts became uncoordinated to the point where Leon just had to hold his breath. When he tried to pull out, Leon pulled him closer by the backs of his thighs. Other Leon had to bite into his wrist to stop himself from... from, _mewling,_ or something.

Other Leon slid down the wall till they were on the same level, sighing contentedly. He looked at Leon with unmistakable adoration, flushed pink.

"Ugh," the kid moaned. "How are you so good at that?"

"Lot of practice," Leon answered, delicately wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Mm. Let me practice, then," his double said suggestively, looking up at him from under his lashes.

 _What the hell?_ Leon thought wildly. _Was I always this slutty?_

“Come on, don’t look so guilty. It’s technically just masturbation,” the rookie reasoned, while he shuffled over and his fingers fumbled with Leon’s zipper.

“You’re a fucking menace,” Leon groaned as his double’s hand closed around his cock.

“Hey, don’t talk about yourself like that,” the kid whispered, and Leon rolled his eyes. He had to grab him by his collar and kiss him to wipe the smirk off his face.

The kid was halfway onto his lap as they made out and he jacked Leon’s cock with perfect pace and grip. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that he knew his way around his own dick, but it was still kind of hot.

It took an embarrassingly short amount of time before Leon’s breath hitched and he spilled over his double’s hand, who worked him through it, pulling back to press encouraging kisses at his jaw.

Leon gripped his shoulders to ground himself as he came down from it, resting his head against the rookie's shoulder. He pointedly ignored the way his double wiped the come off his hand with his jacket. 

"You've never even had sex before, how did you-"

"I'm a natural, I guess," the kid snickered.

Leon had ended up in some pretty crazy situations in his years on Earth, but this took the goddamn cake. He found himself laughing silently, having to wipe away hysterical tears because of how insanely weird it all was. He'd just sucked his own dick. He just- 

"Leon?" his younger self said suddenly.

Leon glanced up at him, warmth flooding through him. He felt more relaxed than he had for weeks, carrying around this pent-up tension and anxiety.

"Okay. Uh." He bit his lip, worrying at it with his teeth. "I know this is a weird question, but... am I gay?"

Leon blinked. Priorities, man. Was the prospect of being a homo really more concerning than death by undead hoard?

_Nah, cut him some slack. You have the answers to who he really is._

His immediate reaction was to want to tell the truth, but then he figured that might do something weird to his timeline. It was an important aspect of identity that he'd have to figure for himself. 

"I think only you can work that one out," he answered mildly. 

"Huh," Other Leon nodded slowly, a thoughtful frown on his face. There was a beat, before he asked, "Are _you_ gay?"

Leon snorted. "All right. You win." Maybe it would offer him some peace. He couldn't remember struggling particularly to come to terms with his sexuality, but maybe it had bothered him more than he remembered. "No, I'm not gay. I like men _and_ women. You will end up doing more stuff with guys, but it always seems to be a girl that you're chasing."

Other Leon laughed, but it had a wistful quality to it that Leon picked up on, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"I just hope I live to see it," the kid sighed.

"You _will,"_ Leon replied vehemently. "You'll get out of here. I'll... I'll give you some pointers, so you have a headstart, okay? You won't die here. You _don't."_

All the resentment he'd felt earlier had evaporated and been replaced by an unbearably strong instinct to protect his younger self from harm. Sure, he was gonna come out of Raccoon City alive, but why should he have to go through all the trauma when Leon was right there and able to stop it from happening? He could hear Rebecca's warning echoing in his mind, about the dangers of altering the past. He knew that Raccoon City was an intrinsic part of his character, that he would be a completely different person without the experience. And he feared what would happen to his present self, if he interfered too much. 

He couldn't do much to help Other Leon, apart from offer this small emotional and physical comfort, and give him some small tips on how to navigate this hellhole. But what he really wanted was for the kid to believe it was worth the struggle. 

"Listen," he started. "Everything I said earlier. It's all true. I fucked things up, and right now I'm.. I guess I'm finding things hard. But I like to think that- I've done some good in the world, and I've met some amazing people. It's worth it, and you shouldn't give up because you've seen how bleak your future looks," he finished quietly.

The rookie curled into his side. "Yeah. I thought a lot about... like, what you told me." He lowered his voice. "Killing myself."

Leon couldn't help but flinch. He swallowed thickly and held the rookie closer, feeling immensely guilty that he'd been so insensitive earlier.

"I felt so hopeless," the kid kept going. "It didn't seem like there was a point any more. The world had become such an awful place that I didn't want to be in it. But now..." he exhaled. "You being here, that gives me hope."

Leon didn't know what to say. He suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotion, and he realized that this experience had changed him forever. Spending time with his awkward 21-year-old self was one of the most humbling and touching experiences he'd ever had.

Also, the sex was fun.

He wasn't gonna lie about it. Well- actually, he was going to go out of his way to lie about it, because if anyone found out- if the _Redfields_ found out- he was never, ever going to live it down. Everyone was going to be tiptoeing around him after hearing of his traumatic return to the horrors of the past, and that was just the way he'd prefer it. The alternative was worse.

_Hey, boys, would you fuck your clone? Well, we know Leon would, but-_

He shuddered. No. What went on here was staying between them. And in truth, he didn't want this whole enlightening experience to be reduced to a lewd joke. It was more than sex. Tensions had run high and they'd inevitably been unable to keep their hands off each other, but it was the emotional intimacy that was making his heart flutter in his chest.

"Do you think there's any chance you could visit me again...?" the rookie asked tentatively. 

Leon hadn't even thought about it until that moment. Rebecca was likely to advise strongly against it, but he didn't think he'd be able to resist, if that time machine was at his disposal. He knew it wasn't healthy to foster this weird relationship between them, a relationship which shouldn't even be possible, but he didn't see an issue with giving Other Leon some closure. Catching up to him after he'd escaped Raccoon City and saying goodbye for real.

"I'll do everything I can," he promised.

The kid looked immensely relieved and pleased. "You're a catch, Leon," he grinned. 

"No," Leon corrected him, although he couldn't help but smile, _"you're_ a catch. I'm just an embittered old man."

The kid shook his head. He caught Leon's hand in his, squeezing it tight. The fingertips of his other hand gently tilted Leon's jaw so they were looking each other in the eye.

"I'm proud of who I become," he said firmly. 

Leon stared at him. His heart constricted painfully in his chest with some volatile cocktail of sadness and gratitude. His past self had taught him a poignant lesson in appreciating what he had, even if what he had was just life. Suddenly he had the passion to get better, to do better, not for anyone else but himself. For this kid who wanted so badly to believe in him.

He tried to say something in response, some stupid snarky comment, but he found the words wouldn't form. "Fuck," was all he could choke out, burying his head in the crook of his double's neck, who huffed affectionately. 

He drew back and took an unsteady breath, brushing the hair out of his double's eyes. "Thanks. Thank you, Leon."


End file.
